SHE stops hiding
I just sat in church and stared. I stared at the choir as they joyously harmonized a classic hymn. I stared at the congregation around me as some lifted their hands in worship or allowed the tears of gratitude fall down their cheeks as they spoke to God. I stared at the lyrics as they scrolled back and forth between the verses and chorus. That’s all I had the strength to do. Just stare.
I knew the song the choir was singing. I’m positive that on any other Sunday I might have actually been standing with my brothers and sisters in Christ with hands lifted in genuine adoration of being in God’s presence. But this particular Sunday I felt like I was a window shopper standing outside their favorite shop just thinking about what it would be like to have what was on the inside. I felt completely disconnected.
It didn’t just stop in the pews of the church, unfortunately. My quiet time dwindled. I valued another 45 minutes of a Netflix episode than 15 minutes just spending with my Father. I read my verse of the day on my Bible app, but that was only because I didn’t want to break my 90+ day streak I had going. I was just going through the motions completely emotionless.
Why had my Christian life become so numb?
It didn’t take me long to realize I was hiding away spiritually because I was embarrassed. I had made a promise to God and I broke it. Instead of confronting my feelings of embarrassment head-on with Him, I hid. But it wasn’t even the type of hiding a mature person would do. I hid like a 4-year-old who hides behind a curtain with their feet still showing.
I did all the Christian-like things like going to church and reading a verse a day, but I knew that I was not having fellowship with Christ. The disconnect was so strong that my joy in all the areas of my life was impacted.
It felt like I was forcing it, but I had to be intentional with my time with Him. First, I confessed what He already knew I did. That opened my heart to receive the Truth…
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10
It feels odd to brag about the areas where I know I fall short and fail. But in our Christian lives, our revealed insecurities and weaknesses become invitations for Christ to come and make them even stronger than what we could accomplish on our own. We won't find healing when we hide.
My friend, if you’re reading this and you feel as disconnected from God as I have been know that God is so eager to listen and talk to you no matter how bad you feel like you’ve strayed.
What are you too embarrassed to come clean about to God?
Did you know that He already knows and still loves you?