SHE checks her source
Have you ever had the wind knocked out of you? At the age of 9, a misguided soccer ball made its way to the center of my chest and took me out Goliath-style. I remember feeling like every breath that I ever took was emptied into the open air and that my lungs would soon follow. As I lay there trying to catch my breath, everything around me became muffled. I couldn’t react verbally or physically to any of the questions or comments my peers hurled at me as they ran up to see if I was still alive.
That is what it felt like to be betrayed by someone you respected.
Betrayal (n.) the act of failing someone or thing or deserting someone or thing especially in time of need.
While I did not need anything tangible from this person, I did need to know that they could be trusted. When they disappointed me I felt like a huge ball of distrust hit me right in the chest.
For the next 24 hours, I walked around speechless. I tried to process the situation in so many different ways so that it could somehow make sense. But sometimes the solution to the pain isn’t always obvious. That night I spoke to God and asked for him to lift the burden of resentment, anger, and shame.
“...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”
By the next morning, I felt completely weightless. The bitter feelings that kept me a prisoner no longer held the chains over my situation. As I began to meditate on this emotional weight that was lifted, I realized that while I may not have found the solution to the pain, I knew the source of my joy.
The obvious answer is Jesus!
But to end it there would be to discount the battle it took to get there. Ultimately, I believe that I was able to overcome my mental prison because God reminded me that I am not to use a human being as my source. But what does that look like?
I do not overvalue the position or the divine appointment of a person because I know they too fall short.
“...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
I do not depend on a person to be my reason for having joy.
“Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”
I do not expect the person that wronged me to be the same person to fix me.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Our Father wants us to use Him as our source for every situation in life. He knows that the world will fail and betray us, and make us want to give up on being who He called us to be. However, when we focus on Christ as our standard and source, the mistakes of others can more easily be forgiven because we never expect them to be perfect because we already lean on the One who is.
Betrayal has a way of knocking you off your feet and causing you to feel breathless in a room full of air. Well God is calling us to inhale, so He can restore what we thought was lost.
Have you ever felt betrayed by someone you know?
How does your perspective change when you no longer see them as your source?